What would my future be like? Where would I be? What would I be doing?
It's Sep. 2020. I'm 1 month away from my 30th birthday, and I'm still asking myself this question.
Does it mean that I'm a loser? Maybe. Everyone has their own judgement.
I was born Chinese, and there's a traditional Chinese saying goes like: "三十而立". Which means, when you are 30, you should be fully independent by yourself. This quote is extensively applied to men. And when people say that, there's also another meaning behind it, which is that you should have everything that conventional wisdom says that you're supposed to have: a house, a car. married, and if you have kids, that'd be perfect.
In this sense, I am a loser to them.
But to me, myself? Well... FUCK THAT!
Since when, living your life the way defined by others (the people you don't even know) has become the standard?
Since when, living your life without questioning "is this the life that fits me" or "is this the life that I want" has become the norm?
And when did the age 30 become the benchmark of your success after you've been thrown into the predefined educational system that doesn't teach you anything useful while persuading you that you're not special for most of the time when you were growing up?
We are designed by God to be Unique (If you're not unique, why there's no other person's DNA can match yours? Why are fingerprints different?), Courious (If you don't have curiosity, why we are so eager to find out what happens when watching a movie or hearing gossips?), Vital (If you're born to be energyless, why are kids so energetic and wild adult animals are so powerful while animals in the zoo are always sleepy?), Fun (If you're not supposed to have fun, why do we laugh at and remember the most silly things we do like somebody falls or got their belly slammed when diving into water?) (I'm not religious), but if you look around, what do you see?
Most people behave the same:
Waking up to the annoying alarm which has the ability to turn their favourite songs into the screaming of devils, spending ours commuting to their jobs on busy roads/buses/subway, spending the best time of their days/life in a lifeless office working like robots to earn some discounted money: Salary (yes it's discounted, the government takes its share before your money reaches your pockets), and try to have as much fun as possible/deal with whatever is going on in the house only on weekends.
Wanna get out of this lifestyle?
HOW DARE YOU! What kind of lazy loser doesn't work to earn money?
HOW CAN YOU! You irresponsible bastard! You've got a family to take care of, a mortgage to pay off, and a better & faster car to buy!
Ironically, I've seen so many people taken this road, living life without even making sense for themselves, I started to grow resistance towards it before I even realised it, and when I realised what this resistance was, I simply decided not to partake.
And does it mean my choice was easy since I avoided the responsibilities conventional wisdom forces on us that I just mentioned earlier? No. It's quite the opposite: It's MUCH HARDER!
Let me break it down for you:
I avoid having a job. When you don't have a job, your income becomes not stable, there's no money coming in on a particular day of the month. If you have a job at the moment, try imagining you just got fired and you won't see the money show up in your bank account.
I value my time and I try to use it for what matters to be. But ask yourself this, what do you normally do when you have so much time? Gaming? Partying? Or just being bored outta your fucking mind? Now, try to imagine having an entire year completely free, what would you do?
I'm on a tough journey to find the answers to my questions, since I don't accept the answers I've been receiving for years. I always like to use the analogy of a sick person to illustrate this: Just because you know you've got a fever, you know you've broken your arm, you can feel your stomach hurts, doesn't mean it goes away immediately or a solution comes to you instantly when you're aware of it, you still need to seek help from a doctor for the cure/solution. Finding your life's path is the same thing: since the mainstream information has never been the answer (otherwise everybody would live a fulfilled life), it's just like you've gotten sick on a remote island, there's no hospitals or doctors nearby, all you can do is to figure out a way to survive by yourself (of course, sometimes you'd bump into some local tribes and they can give you some tips here and there, but still, you are still on your own and you still need to figure out a way to cure yourself). Let me tell you, it can get scary.
But what's the benefit?
Nothing much, just A Heart Full Of Desire & Energy To Create & Experience Things, And A Mind Can't Stop Dreaming & Planning & Imagining All The Possibilities Of My Future!
The age 30 is the life-defining benchmark for a lot of people (especially for Chinese people). But for me? It's A Start, of something I don't know yet, just like it has always been.
Ok, I actually know. I'll become a sailor and I'll start living on a bluewater sailboat before the end of 2021, which is next year, and I'll be creating ocean related stuff ever since.
Let's revisit this post and see how far I've gone by the end of 2021!